Mormon women Oppresssed? I think NOT!

This post is a conversation between my mom and me. Someone she knew on FB posted the first part of this post.
The second part is my response to it. Honestly, I had never really given it much thought until this came through and then I had to decide how I truly felt about my role concerning Divine Womanhood in the Church. She also went on in another post regarding the "fact" that we do not believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that we regard him as just a prophet.

Doing some research. If you are Christian, whether Democrat or Republican, you might want to research the Mormon religion, because Mitt Romney is definitely under the church's directives in all matters and decisions. I thought this article particularly interesting:

The Mormon church of today is still clinging to the beliefs of the nineteenth century; ideas which are becoming more outmoded every day. A few women in the Mormon church are trying to make a difference, but they are usually swiftly excommunicated (Laake 342; Johnson 351). In Mormon magazines, which are full of advice for women from the heads of the church, the message has changed in response to the feminist movement. In 1964, advice on marriage and divorce was fairly dispassionate; by 1972, these topics were addressed with increasing panic and harshness (Laake 175). Feminists are described as "the Pied Pipers of sin who have led women away from the divine role of womanhood down the pathway of error" (Laake 176). Obviously, the Mormon church is not going to alter its views on women in the immediate future. It is questionable whether it is even possible for Mormonism to equalize the roles of men and women, because the oppression of women is so integral to the religion. Men and women cannot truly become equal in the church, for the basic tenets of Mormonism are so fraught with sexism that equality would change the religion beyond recognition.

 

Mom, thanks for defending the Mormons. Unfortunately, too many people do to us what they accuse us of doing. They take a snippet of truth and twist it or take it out of context to derive something that is negative and not a reflection of our true purpose.

Your friend is right to a certain extent, but in an incorrect way. I know that sounds like an oxymoron. I am not sure if she truly read what she is disparaging, and I question why she is so moved by it if it does not affect her. One of the talks she "quotes" state "the Pied Pipers of sin who have led women away from the divine role of womanhood down the pathway of error". I ask what is wrong with that statement? What is she reading in to it? As a "Mormon" I can tell you what I read in to it. I read that my divine heritage of womanhood and motherhood is under attack. I am no longer allowed to feel special in being a co-creator of life here on earth. I am no longer allowed to be pleased with the fact that I get to choose whether I work outside the home, inside the home, or both. I am no longer allowed to feel like a Queen in my own home because my husband chooses to honor me with respect for the simple fact that I am a woman first, and his wife second. I am no longer allowed to feel a measure of protection allowed me for the simple fact that my sex is female.

By today's secular standards, I am required to take offense if a man offers to open the door for me, carry my groceries, offer to buy my dinner, and a myriad of other "offenses" which used to be deemed "courtesies". Today it seems that secular society asks that I increase my stress because I have to fight for everything in my life. I need to be free with my body and not care who uses and abuses it, regardless of the consequences. I am taught by society that children and families are disposable. In today's world I am taught that I should not take pride in my role as wife and mother because they are outdated and archaic.

Here is what I have to say. I am the mother of 10 children, 5 of those came into our family as a result of the attack on divine womanhood. I love raising them...all of them. I love being defined as their mother. I have been married to a man who treats me like a queen and he does everything in his power to make me happy. He respects me and my opinion. I love being defined as his wife.  I am blessed because I choose to work outside the home AND be a good mother inside the boundaries of our family. My husband has often said that his choice would be that I stay home and not work outside the home. Not because he wants to control me, rather he wants to protect me from much of what is out there and to make my life easy. To that extent, he has made it so I do not have to work if I choose not too. My husband does not have that choice. His role is defined by his responsibility as the caretaker of this family and to that extent he does not have a choice except to work.

I feel that I am his equal in this marriage. He does not feel that way. He feels that I am his superior simply because I am defined by my divine womanhood. He has often marveled at a woman's ability to create and sustain life. He is amazed and humbled by what women go through to bring life, peace and comfort to a family. He has often felt frustration and, at times, anger with men who choose not to support their families. He has often commented that they are missing out on the most beautiful thing in life. He also expressed concern over the increasing numbers of children who are raising themselves because of a single mother trying her best just to put food on the table and a safe place for the kids to live.

When Jesus Christ was in the last moments of his life, one of his last acts was to charge one of his disciples with taking care of his mother. I am always moved to know that He regarded his mother with such love and tenderness that he had such concern for her well being when he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. That is the true example of Jesus Christ taught about how men should regard womanhood. The are taught to honor womanhood. I know this because it is what we try to teach to the boys in my family.

I do not feel oppressed my my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, quite the opposite. However, I do know that I would feel oppressed if my true membership were to the secular world. I would be denied my basic right of "pursuit of happiness" if I were required to deny the very basic nature of who and what I am just to fit the mores and values of a society that is no longer "outmoded".  I thanks the Lord for quality of Divine Womanhood which he has placed upon me.


Oh, with regards to being Christians, this is what I pulled off of mormon.org:

Jesus Christ, Our Savior


Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world and the Son of God. He is our Redeemer. The Holy Bible teaches us that Jesus Christ's mother was Mary, His father on earth was Joseph, that He was born in Bethlehem and raised in Nazareth, and labored with Joseph as a carpenter. When he turned 30, He began a three-year ministry of teaching, blessing, and healing the people of the Holy Land. He also organized His Church and gave His apostles "power and authority" ( Luke 9:1 ) to assist in His work.

But what do we mean when we say He is the Savior of the world? The Redeemer? Each of these titles point to the truth that Jesus Christ is the only way by which we can return to live with our Heavenly Father. Jesus suffered and was crucified for the sins of the world, giving each of God’s children the gift of repentance and forgiveness. Only by His mercy and grace can anyone be saved. His subsequent resurrection prepared the way for every person to overcome physical death as well. These events are called the Atonement. In short, Jesus Christ saves us from sin and death. For that, he is very literally our Savior and Redeemer. In the future Jesus Christ will return to reign on earth in peace for a thousand years. Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and He will be our Lord forever.

My Heart Remembers You

Today is a special day to reflect on those who have gone before us. 

Her are some initials.  Some of you know who they are, some don't and that is just fine.

EBOA, JC, IC, JJC, PRC, CG, TB, JS, MC, AM, MM, JP, AH, FW, AS, MC, LF, and so, so many more.

Thank you for touching my life in many different ways, whether by family or friendship.

When I get there, we will potluck!!!

Eternal Bonds

My last post was about eternal marriage and the fact we celebrated 30 years of marriage. September 12 was a day of incredible High, to devastating Low. I made the comment how grateful I was/am for eternal marriage and what that meant. I had no idea that conviction would be tested within hours of posting. That is the day we found out Little One was in trouble and would probably not survive the pregnancy. Three days later I was hugging my baby, Deborah, wishing I could make the bad stuff go away. I could not. The most I could do was let her and Tyler know I was there. I was fortunate that I was able to do a service for the family and at the same time spend wonderful time with my grandson. I was grateful I got to watch my grandson bond with his Grammy (my mom).

Monday we found out Little One had a different mission to fulfill and it did not include a mortal life here on earth.

While I was there in Idaho, Deborah and I had the opportunity to do a lot of talking. I am grateful for their testimony of the Eternal nature of our families. As Deborah said, we cannot imagine what it would be like to go through this without the sure knowledge of eternal bonds. What a tender mercy from the Lord.

Thank you Little One for letting me know in your own special way that you are there and a real person. I love you and look foward to meeting you one day. Thank you for being my Grandchild.

Little One, Granna and Grampy Love you, forever! Mwah!

Grateful for Eternal Marriage

I am taking this day to let you know that I am grateful for eternal marriage. I am grateful that I have more than a "til death do you part" marriage. I am grateful to know that the wonderful man whom I have been married to for 30 years will be by my side for eternity. What a true blessing that is. Especially when I also include the knowledge that because of that temple ordinance, my children are a blessing that will enjoy that bond.

Counseled

Recently Orey and I had the great and wonderful opportunity to be personally counseled by a general authority. He happens to be our friend and lawyer too. We have known him for years and have had nothing but the highest regard and respect for him. Ever since he was our Stake President. It was strange and uplifting to have him personally know our family and to counsel with us. The neat thing is he touched on some things that we were "struggling" with and didn't even know it until he talked about it.

At first I enjoyed what he said and for a minute forgot to put it in its place. I took it as one friend to another and only thought about what he said. Then Orey and I talked and was amazed to realize we were just counseled. Then I knew to apply it to my life! The Lord gave me comfort through the words that were spoken to us that day. As things progress forward in the challenge our family is going through right now, how sweet it is to know I can reflect upon that conversation and know peace.

I think the thing to remember is that even if he did not know our family personally, he would still have counseled us for the same things. The reason is because Heavenly Father personally knows our family and what we are going through. The counsel comes from Him and the man was his messenger to us. How wonderful is that?!!!

Turn off the Television

We got rid of the television a while back. Okay, we didn't get rid of whole tv but we did get rid of the cable/dish we had hooked up. So, essentially, we have a big screen that we occasionally watch movies on and also the kids play Wii on.

At first I thought I would really hate it. Even though we did not watch as much as the average household seemed to, we still did our fair share. Sometimes I would have it on as a filler. However, we turned it off and I have hardly missed it at all. The kids do not ask for it. We cut down on the amount of garbage filtered in to our home. I know the old saying that if you don't like what is on tv then don't watch the show. We tried that but even the commercials seemed to bring random foul words and sexual inuendo into our environment for 30 to 60 seconds at a time. Just long enough for us not to have time to change the channel. I am not a huge prude, but I think my kids get enough of that in their school and outside environment. I know I do working at the prison. It is nice to come home and not have that influence.

The other thing that I REALLY noticed is that I read..and enjoy..my scriptures more. Who knew?! A simple matter of turning off the tv could make such a big difference.

Try it, you might like it :)

I Forgot, and I Faltered

I forgot a fundamental truth that none of us can afford to forget. I forgot that the adversary knows me well. Because I had a lapse in memory, I have allowed him entrance into my life. I have allowed bitterness, unkind thoughts and so forth to take up residence in my being. It was subtle to be sure. Little things here and little things there. I truly became aware of it only minutes ago so you are the first to know my state of being right now. It is not pretty.

I have so very much on my emotional plate right now that I am being attacked by many fronts right now. Sometimes I feel like I am standing in a small pond of muck up to my knees and there are people throwing rocks and sticks and debris and me trying to bring me down. I feel like I have allowed them to get the upper hand.

I sat here a few minutes ago having my little pity party and wondering how Jesus managed to deal with it. The first and foremost thing that came to my head was that he cried out mightily to his Father. I have not cried out mightily to my Father. I have been busy crying out mightily to my frustration and anger. That needs to change. Jesus knew that Heavenly Father was always with him and he could count on him at any time. His faith did not falter.

I remember when I was a young teenager and I went to tell my mom that I loved her. Truly, the only reason I was saying it to her that time is because I really meant it. However, she looked and me and asked me what I wanted. I replied that I did not want anything. She said she did not believe me because the only reason I ever told her lately that I loved her was because I wanted something. I was really hurt by that. But then I realized that I did not have a right to be hurt.....she did. She was right. I was so busy living my life that the only time I took the time to remember that I really did love my mother is when I wanted something. It wasn't that I didn't love her at all times. I just forgot to confess it to her unless there was a reminder such as something I needed.

I believe that I have "forgotten" to express my love for Heavenly Father as I should be doing instead of just when I cry out to him in want. I think once I get back on the right track, I will feel much better and will be able to slog out of the muck and vanquish all my percieved foes.

Thank you to my children for being some of the best friends ever. You have given me more joy in my life than a woman has a right to :) You are my reason and I love you for it. More than you will EVER know!!!!!

Riding the Spankin' train

Have you ever seen a child throw a tantrum? Sometimes for half a second you might think to yourself "boy, someone is riding the spankin' train and it is getting ready to come into the station".

Have you ever seen an adult throw a tantrum? Really?! Because I don't think Heavenly Father has. I know I threw a tantrum the other day (yesterday) and thought to myself "really? really you think you need to be doing this? You are acting like a child", then it hit me, I AM a child! I am His child and he loves me even when I throw a tantrum. I am sure I sounded just as petulant about things as my 3 year old does when he goes into a fit. I have to remember that. That doesn't mean it is okay that I pitch a fit, however, it does help to know that He loves me always....even when I am ridin the spankin' train.

You Value What?! Why?

You value What?

I was reading the Yahoo news today and saw an article about a purse selling for a ridiculous amount of money! The purse originally cost $345 which seems a ridiculous amount in the first place. However, this particular purse sold on e-bay for $13,100 and will be matched for a total of $26,200. Wow! 26,200! Let’s see what we could do with that money. We could:

Buy a van for a family in need
Buy 131 weeks of groceries ($200 per week)
Buy 524 $50 coats for someone who is without
Pay 2 years worth of rent or mortgage payments around $1000 per month
In some places buy a foreclosed property to live in
Support someone for about a year or more who has lost their job
Pay about 175 months worth of gas or electric for the house
Purchase about 874 gallons of gasoline
Pay for all or part of a surgery someone needs
Provide 17 overnight stays in the hospital (amount varies)
Purchase 875 or more pairs of shoes or pants for those in need
Provide 1018 sleeping bags to the homeless

And the list could go on and on.

Now, the reason this purse all of a sudden became a “celebrity” is because recently a man took a school board hostage. A woman made an unsuccessful bid at hitting the gunman with her purse to try to disarm the gunman. The attempt did not work and the gunman wound up killing himself. Viola! All of a sudden a not attractive, basic bland, too expensive in the first place purse is a sought after commodity! Furthermore, why is this so newsworthy, other than the obvious absurdity of it?

This man had a family and such. That in no way excuses his behavior. However, I have noticed that this type of thing has become soooo common place that we have put value on objects involved with these episodes rather than value and concern on the people who are affected by this type of incident. When did “things” start to out-value people?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe it is the person’s (who has the money) right to use it any way he or she feels is in their best interest. I just find it disturbing that there is soooooo much that could be done with that money rather than buy a used purse. I would love for someone to give me even $100 for my used purse, let alone $26,200.

What a crazy, mixed up world we live in. Sometimes it makes me embarrassed and a bit ashamed to claim a fair amount of the human inhabitants as my “siblings” here on earth.

Oh well, I know Heavenly Father knows my heart and what I hold as valuable.

It works both ways

I was thinking the other day about the scripture Matthew 25:40 which says: "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me". This in response to the Lord saying that when he was hungered, thirsty, a stranger, naked, or in prison; that someone took care of him. Then the "Blessed of the Father" answers that they don't know what he is talking about because they do not remember ministering to the Lord. The Lord responds with the above passage.

I love that passage because it reminds us that we are all brothers and sisters and should not pick and choose who we minister to based on our own perseptions, we should minister to all those who have need.

More (and most importantly to me) is that when people read this I think they, myself included, think it is just the good things we do for our fellow man that He counts as having it done to Him. However, upon further reflection, I need to remember that when I have harsh words for someone; or am zealous in my nasty, self-righteous attitude; or I cheat someone; or gossip about them; or any number of unrighteous acts, then I have also done these things to the Lord. It works both ways. Just something to think about.

To the Death

The new Narnia movie just came out so we watched the first....and second film in anticipation of the third (which I have yet to see). In the first film my absolute favorite part is when King Peter looks to the Centaur next to him and says "Are you with me?". The Centaurian looks at him and simply states "To the Death" without any hesitation and as if King Peter should even have to ask such an absurd question. Well, that got me to thinking. If the Lord stood next to me and asked me "Are you with me?", could I answer "To the Death" as quickly, honestly, without fear and hesitation? I honestly don't know. My first reaction would be to deny that I would hesitate. However, I vowed to be honest in my blog so I must answer honestly. I think I would hesitate. I would be afraid for at least half a second or more. Then I would try to remember who it is that is asking me this question.

On the other hand, if I asked the same question of the Lord, I know how He would answer. Just as he did when in the Great Council. Without fear of man. With conviction of what is right. I would like to think I answered in the affirmative during the war in the Heavens, or else I would not be here. I just need to shrug off the natural man, remember my divine nature and purpose, and be willing to shout out "to the Death!" if the Lord asks if I am with him.

Beautiful Eyes

Yesterday was a really good day for the kids and me. The boys we wound up but in a good way. They were playing very well together. Gabriel had a speech and hearing assessment earlier in the day that he handled very well. We had good one on one time. The night before that I did some hugging and kissing on the boys. More than they have gotten from me in a while.

Last night right before bed Orey, the three little ones and I were in the dining room just relaxing and chatting. Eric was sitting right next to me and out of the blue said "You have beautiful eyes mommy". I thanked him and hugged him and told him how much I love him.

That might have been and "awwww" moment for you, but for me it was soooo much more! for the last several weeks I have been desparately trying not to spiral into depression. It happens sometimes to me. The pattern is that I find myself becoming irratated and irritable, then I watch it to see if it is something I can change on my own (maybe something is bothering me that I need to take care of), then if I determine I am trying to go into depression I try to stave it off on my own and that is when my family begins to suffer. You would think I would know by now but I always take this route. It is not until I let Orey in on it (as if he doesn't already know what is going on) before I start to get better whether environmentally (support) or through medication. Anyway, I become a not nice person. I know "I can't help it" seems lame but that is REALLY how you feel. You want to be nice but then when you open your mouth to say anything, poison in the form of anger, frustration, or whatever you want to call it comes out. I don't like me when this happens and then it becomes a nast cycle.

While I am not a mean mother, I am not a kind mother either. I get frustrated waaaay to easy. I don't hand out the "I love you's" like I should. The hugs are quick and on the go. It is embarrasing and upsetting to put this in writing, but there you have it.

Last night when Eric said I had beautiful eyes it made me cry. I know he loves me. I know he has seen my eyes for years. I also know that he thought I had beautiful eyes because the last few days they have been looking at him with love and pride. How grateful I am that the Lord let me know that He knows what I am going through by the words that came out of my son's mouth. It reminded me that the eyes are the mirror to the soul and right now, I have a beautiful soul. My son reminded me of that. The Lord let me know He thought so too. It reminded me that the Lord has "Beautiful Eyes" too. How could he not?!

I am working on having "Beautiful Eyes" all the time. Those around me deserve to be looked at with my "beautiful eyes" and not my angry eyes. I deserve that too.

Responsibility of forgiveness

Our responsibility does not lie in whether someone forgives us or not. Our responsibility is to work towards, and ask for that forgiveness with a sincere heart.

However, granting forgiveness is our responsibility too. We cannot serve two masters. We cannot expect the Lord to grant us love and privilege if we turn our backs on those who are seeking it from us. How unfair is that. Plus, I was asked earlier this year by one of my kids if they should be mad at a friend of theirs who did something pretty drastic. I told this child that they needed to make that choice. However, keep in mind that if we choose to be angry with someone then we need to accept the consequence that comes along with it. When and how do you choose not to be angry anymore? How do you decide how much time you should feed the anger for that particular event. Can you just choose not to be angry anymore? Will pride then become a factor to where you will feel like you are trapped into keeping that anger just to "save face"? Will you miss this person's friendship any time in the future to where you would wish you could go back and make a different choice? One of the most important questions is; are you prepared for the weight that anger will place on you?

I was proud of this child. She made the right decision. She chose to try to put things in a proper place within her heart. She doesn't have to worry about this person being a part of her life because they chose not to stick around. However, she does not have the guilt of anger hanging over her.

I am not saying that it is easy. It sure isn't for me all the time. And it sure wasn't in the beginning when I was figuring this out. However, over time it has been easier and I am a happier person for it. I have learned that my responsibility is to let Heavenly Father hold judgement, not me.

Be Still

I was driving to work this morning after casting my vote. I am sooo happy it is almost over so the phone calls will stop and the tv ads will stop and so on and so forth. I am grateful for my drive in to work because I do some communicating with Heavenly Father during the drive. This morning as I was thinking about all the bashing, backstabbing, bullying and any number of other "B" words that could describe the campaigning, I thought about how I felt hostage to my environment. I could not answer my phone, turn on the tv, drive down the road, or read a newspaper without witnessing nastiness. I felt like a parent of a bunch of little whiny kids all with chocolate cake smeared on their faces pointing at each other and complaining because that person made them eat cake, or stole it and ate it, or caused one child to have a belly ache for encouraging them to eat the cake, or getting mad because they got caught eating the cake. None of them saying "wow, I had chocolate cake and it was good, thanks".

I wondered if that is how Heavenly Father feels all the time? There is so much going on that is negative that He must be bombarded with it. I don't want to be one of those children.

It reminded me of a time about 12 years ago when one of my children began to have health issues. The night we became aware of it was a frightening time because we did not know what was going on, if the child would live or die. I remember doing what I thought was praying. In fact, it was begging. I remember this begging went of for what seems like a long time but was probably only minutes (from the time it took to call 911 to right before the paramedics arrived). All of a sudden it dawned on my that I cannot hear my Father's voice because I am too busy trying to get an answer. I remembered that I am supposed to "be still". So I calmed my mind, ceased my begging, and stilled my emotions. What a sweet and wonderful thing when the answer came clear as a bell that all would be well and my child was not in mortal danger. How incredibly grateful I was for that knowledge and confirmation. It gave me the strength and knowledge to function as my child's advocate rather than an emotional mother.

So, it today's society when it seems you are bombarded with negativity and nastiness. Be Still. Allow yourself to feel and hear the Spirit. Take comfort. Be Still.

Before the Natural Man takes over

I went to Eric's school today because he was getting two awards. One for Citizenship and the other for Outstanding Attendance. The school did the awards by grade which works out really well. So there were five 1st grade classes. It seemed like every child was getting an award for something or other. I was wrong, not every child got one.

I was sitting just behind the little 5 to 7 year old kids when I see these two boys leaning into another little boy in the middle of them. They were rubbing his back, patting his shoulder, saying thing to him and generally trying to make him happy. They sat there with their arms around him for most of the rest of the presentation. One even tried to tickle him to cheer him up.

I got tears in my eyes. How sweet their innocence is. How I wish the world could work through their eyes when the Natural Man has not completely taken over the Spiritual Man in us. Those little boys reminded me that I need to be more concerned with compassion towards those who are hurting. I need to have that innocence of putting my arm around someone when they needed it. Just to show my love for someone in the most basic and simplest way of the human and spritual heart. I need to shuck off the natural man and all the baggage that costume contains. Remove pride from my heart.

Ahhh, to be 6 and innocent again. What a nice world that would be.

Have you ever asked....?

Have you ever asked yourself "why am I so blessed"? If you haven't, then you should. More importantly, if you have, then you shouldn't. Sound odd?, not really.

If you have never asked yourself that, hopefully it is because you already know what I am going to tell you. However, if you don't already know what I am going to tell you, then perhaps you have never asked that question because you don't recognize the blessings in your life. If that is the case, please consider taking a minute to recognize your blessings.

If you have ever asked why you are so blessed, then you might want to re-examine your relationship with your Heavenly Parents. I know as a parent I want the best for my children. We do what we can to make things good for them. Provide food, shelter, support, basics of life. But of you look deeper, you will see the "extras" too. Things that are not required but things that are freely given because we like to see our kids happy. I cannot tell you what they are because it is different from the giver to the receiver. I might so something that I think is pretty cool, or wanted, or needed but the receiving child does not take it that way. And there is nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, our kids have mentioned things to us that we did or whatever, that was really special to them and meant a lot. It might not even be something we remember, but they do. That is the beauty of wanting so much for your kids.

Anyway, that is how our Heavenly Parents are. They always want good for us. They reign blessings down on us. Some of these blessings seem big but we might not see them. Some seem small and seemingly inconsequential, however, they are HUGE to us.

So, if you have ever asked "why am I so blessed (lucky, good karma, whatever)" the answer is because you have Heavenly Parents who love you. If my kids ever asked me why I did something for them, as if it was out of the norm, that would hurt my feelings. I would think they don't know how much I really love them.

So, don't ask, just enjoy and have a thankful heart!

"I want to go out clean"

I work in a prison, literally. I have been blessed several times to witness the man beneath the blue. In our prison system our inmates wear blue. As in most societies, many people on the "outside" see the blue and judge them. That is the way I used to be...sometimes still am. Only now I have a better idea of whether my call is correct or not.

The other day I had the experience. I am working with a particular inmate that will be known as "Mr. R". I always call the inmates "Mr. So and so". Mr. R has been coming to my office for several weeks for what amounts to a counseling session really. It is my job to help the inmates transition back into society. Mr. R originally came to my office to seek advice on how to deal with a family situation, something that happened to his daughter that he wants to get straight in his head and heart before he gets out so he does not do anything stupid and come back here. Mr. R is of a different nationality and sometimes has difficulty putting his thoughts in words or completely understanding what I am telling him. So, sometimes we spend a great deal of time finding a different way of saying the same things. Throughout our sessions I have discovered he has a daughter he loves tremedously, a grandaughter that is the light of his life, a wife that he has taken for granted and wants more than anything to have as a part of his life, he lost a grandmother he called Nana that was his conscience and guide whom he misses with his whole heart, and that he is called Tata by his granddaughter. I saw him as a man who has love and remorse in his life.

In our last session he was telling me that when gets out he does not want to go home and live with his family as they have asked him to do. He needs to live on his own to sort things out and get straight. As my job, I encouraged him to reconsider this decision as it would be difficult for him financially to go on his own. Plus, his family might get the wrong idea and think he is running from them. Finally he looks at me hard, in the eyes, I can tell he is making a hard decision about something. I let him look, let him visually probe my intent, let him see and decide if he can trust me with something that weighs heavy on him. He says "Ms. C, you don't understand" I say "help me to understand", he probes again for another full minute, I hold his stare. He sighs heavily and I see I have passed a huge test. He says to me "Have you ever heard of *blank* *blank* gang?" I tell him I might have. He tells me he has been an "associate" for most of his life. He explains he is an asset to this gang. Now this person is ill and has severe limitations. He points to himself and says "this don't matter what my body can and cannot do, it is up here (he points to his brain) that is important to them. The things I know, the things I have done, the things they want me to do because I have already done them". He gives me background on his actions and the how of it. He does not go into detail on the rest of the gang because he does not want me to know anything for my safety, and I don't want to know anything for the same reason. But he tells me a little bit about how he has manipulated things on the inside and the outside to do what needed to be done, what he was ordered to do, what he ordered people to do. This information, how easy and simple it is, frightens me and brings tears to my eyes. I tell him this. He sees this upsets me and he tells me "Ms C, I don't want to frighten you. I want you to understand what I was. That is who I was. I cannot go to my family because I need to protect them. In my world you live by the gun you die by the gun. I want to be clean when I leave. They already told me I need to see them before I leave prison, I am not going to. I know my consequence, I know what will happen. My Nana did not raise me to be that person. I want to be clean for her when I leave. My grandaughter "L" deserves to know her Tata was clean when he left. Ms. C, I am going to be clean when I leave". I understand what he means by "leave". My heart aches for him because I cannot help and he knows it. I tell him I wish there was something I could do. He said there is nothing but that I was listening makes the difference. I ask him if he is ready to face that consequence. He looks confused at me. I ask him "are you afraid? Are you afraid for when the consequence comes?", he says "Yes" with tears in his eyes, but he doesn't cry. He says he is afraid but he is okay because he will be clean.

Now I know why the Lord put me in this position. I am here to listen. I am here so they can divulge the intent of their hearts, to admit to me, therefore, themselves the desires of their hearts. They know I will listen, I will accept what they tell me, I will not mock them, and that I will hope for the best with them. I cannot tell you what a sweet blessing it is for me to be witness to this. Writing it down does not even come close. I know why the Savior tells us to visit those in prison. I think it is not always the prison with walls and correctional officers and such. I think it is the prison of a person's sins, past, deeds, etc. We need to visit them in those places and love and accept them so they can feel that they can "go out clean".

Matthew 7:1, My Favorite Scripture

Since I was a teenager my favorite (and very first memorized) scripture has been Matthew 7:1. I was a very judgemental person as a youngster. I have learned and tried really hard over the last 43 years to change that behavior. The Prophet addressed this very topic at the Women's session of conference. I tried to condense it down but he did such a beautiful job that it is posted almost in it's entirety. I know it is long but it is worth the reading and heeding. I love you. I know who reads this (I think) and I do love you. Enjoy.

Charity Never Faileth
President Thomas S. Monson
Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life.
Our souls have rejoiced tonight and reached toward heaven. We have been blessed with beautiful music and inspired messages. The Spirit of the Lord is here. I pray for His inspiration to be with me now as I share with you some of my thoughts and feelings.
I begin with a short anecdote which illustrates a point I should like to make.
A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash.
“That laundry’s not clean!” Lisa exclaimed. “Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!”
John looked on but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments.
A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, “Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.”
John replied, “Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!”
Tonight I’d like to share with you a few thoughts concerning how we view each other. Are we looking through a window which needs cleaning? Are we making judgments when we don’t have all the facts? What do we see when we look at others? What judgments do we make about them?
Said the Savior, “Judge not.” He continued, “Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Or, to paraphrase, why beholdest thou what you think is dirty laundry at your neighbor’s house but considerest not the soiled window in your own house?
None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions.
There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.”
Forty-seven years ago this general conference, I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. At the time, I had been serving on one of the general priesthood committees of the Church, and so before my name was presented, I sat with my fellow members of that priesthood committee, as was expected of me. My wife, however, had no idea where to go and no one with whom she could sit and, in fact, was unable to find a seat anywhere in the Tabernacle. A dear friend of ours, who was a member of one of the general auxiliary boards and who was sitting in the area designated for the board members, asked Sister Monson to sit with her. This woman knew nothing of my call—which would be announced shortly—but she spotted Sister Monson, recognized her consternation, and graciously offered her a seat. My dear wife was relieved and grateful for this kind gesture. Sitting down, however, she heard loud whispering behind her as one of the board members expressed her annoyance to those around her that one of her fellow board members would have the audacity to invite an “outsider” to sit in this area reserved only for them. There was no excuse for her unkind behavior, regardless of who might have been invited to sit there. However, I can only imagine how that woman felt when she learned that the “intruder” was the wife of the newest Apostle.
Not only are we inclined to judge the actions and words of others, but many of us judge appearances: clothing, hairstyles, size. The list could go on and on.
A classic account of judging by appearance was printed in a national magazine many years ago. It is a true account—one which you may have heard but which bears repeating.
A woman by the name of Mary Bartels had a home directly across the street from the entrance to a hospital clinic. Her family lived on the main floor and rented the upstairs rooms to outpatients at the clinic.
One evening a truly awful-looking old man came to the door asking if there was room for him to stay the night. He was stooped and shriveled, and his face was lopsided from swelling—red and raw. He said he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. “I guess it’s my face,” he said. “I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says it could possibly improve after more treatments.” He indicated he’d be happy to sleep in the rocking chair on the porch. As she talked with him, Mary realized this little old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. Although her rooms were filled, she told him to wait in the chair and she’d find him a place to sleep.
At bedtime Mary’s husband set up a camp cot for the man. When she checked in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and he was out on the porch. He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, he asked if he could return the next time he had a treatment. “I won’t put you out a bit,” he promised. “I can sleep fine in a chair.” Mary assured him he was welcome to come again.
In the several years he went for treatments and stayed in Mary’s home, the old man, who was a fisherman by trade, always had gifts of seafood or vegetables from his garden. Other times he sent packages in the mail.
When Mary received these thoughtful gifts, she often thought of a comment her next-door neighbor made after the disfigured, stooped old man had left Mary’s home that first morning. “Did you keep that awful-looking man last night? I turned him away. You can lose customers by putting up such people.”
Mary knew that maybe they had lost customers once or twice, but she thought, “Oh, if only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.”
After the man passed away, Mary was visiting with a friend who had a greenhouse. As she looked at her friend’s flowers, she noticed a beautiful golden chrysanthemum but was puzzled that it was growing in a dented, old, rusty bucket. Her friend explained, “I ran short of pots, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn’t mind starting in this old pail. It’s just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden.”
Mary smiled as she imagined just such a scene in heaven. “Here’s an especially beautiful one,” God might have said when He came to the soul of the little old man. “He won’t mind starting in this small, misshapen body.” But that was long ago, and in God’s garden how tall this lovely soul must stand!
Appearances can be so deceiving, such a poor measure of a person. Admonished the Savior, “Judge not according to the appearance.”
A member of a women’s organization once complained when a certain woman was selected to represent the organization. She had never met the woman, but she had seen a photograph of her and didn’t like what she saw, considering her to be overweight. She commented, “Of the thousands of women in this organization, surely a better representative could have been chosen.”
True, the woman who was chosen was not “model slim.” But those who knew her and knew her qualities saw in her far more than was reflected in the photograph. The photograph did show that she had a friendly smile and a look of confidence. What the photograph didn’t show was that she was a loyal and compassionate friend, a woman of intelligence who loved the Lord and who loved and served His children. It didn’t show that she volunteered in the community and was a considerate and concerned neighbor. In short, the photograph did not reflect who she really was.
I ask: if attitudes, deeds, and spiritual inclinations were reflected in physical features, would the countenance of the woman who complained be as lovely as that of the woman she criticized?
My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.
The Apostle James taught, “If any . . . among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s [or woman’s] religion is vain.”
I have always loved your Relief Society motto: “Charity never faileth.” What is charity? The prophet Mormon teaches us that “charity is the pure love of Christ.” In his farewell message to the Lamanites, Moroni declared, “Except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.”
I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.
Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, “To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.”
Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.
In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.
Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,”1 the “pure love of Christ . . . ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with [her].”
“Charity never faileth.” May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions.
I express my love to you, my sisters, and pray that heaven’s blessings may ever be yours. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Did I just grow horns or something?

Yesterday Marina and I went on a tour of Herlong Federal prison. We loaded on a small bus with 11 other people for the hour drive to the facility.

On the way back, someone had a magazine that had an article on a new TLC reality show called "Sister Wives" which is about a polygimous family. Okay, so anytime I hear anyone mention anything about polygamy, I know "Mormon" is going to be in there somewhere. Oh brother, here we go. So a discussion ensued regarding this article. Marina and I were in the very back seats, in front of us were two men, infront of them were two women. To the left of us was a closet for tools, then infront of that was one man we will call Kelly (because that's his name) and then in front of him was a young man in his early 20's and a girl about the same age. She was sitting on the aisle, as was I. We will call him Laman, and her Lemuela because I do not know their real names. :)

Laman turns around and is talking kind of loudly as he states he just read a book called...I couldn't hear the title because I was right under the air conditioning, however, I did hear the rest of his comments. He turned to Kelly and the others, us too I suppose, and said "I read about Joseph Smith in that book and he was one big scheister". Okay, here we go. Then he goes on (with dirision in his voice) about how those mormons werent wanted by anyone and they were kicked out of all those states (by this point he is smirking). Kelly, apparently can see there is a little bit of ignorance going on and said to him "Yes, they did move from county to county and state to state because there was an extermination order on them". Laman thinks this is funny and starts laughing. Lemuela chuckles too. The guys in front of me don't say anything I can hear but they are not exactly sympathetic. I am getting angry and his callous behavior and attitude but know I must be professional. But how do I take care of this? Kelly continues with his teaching lesson and says "Yeah there was a Governor that put it on them. Governor?...Governor?...Hmmm" I speak up and say "Governor Boggs" The guy in front of me says "Yeah, that's his name", I say "Yeah, I know because I am LDS". It is amazing how quiet a bus of 13 people can be all of a sudden. Laman turned around and faced the front. Lemuela kept looking back at me. Kelly turned around and said he was sorry. I know he was not saying sorry for anything he did, he was apologizing for Laman's (and anyone else who was disrespectful) behavior. He said he worked in Utah for 10 years and he had run ins with the fundamentalist and they are weird scary groups. I had to agree. So we chatted a little then he started talking to other people about random things. However, I noticed that Lemuala kept turning around and staring at us. I asked Marina "did I just grow horns or something?" She said, we always do when we announce who we are. I had to laugh because I know what she means. When I first started working with inmates, and I would meet someone who has a murder conviction, I expected that somehow he would look like a murderer, have some kind of mark or something. It was disturbing to me that he looked "normal" and just like me (figuratively speaking). I think it was disturbing to Lemuala that she actually came face to face with a Mormon and I was not a monster, had horns, wore long dresses and certain hair styles, that I am an intelligent and professional woman, that I am "normal". Did I mention that I work with her company extensively and have for the last 2.25 years? Anyway, I felt good about how all that came down. I was really at peace that all I had to say was "I am LDS" and the "taking the name of the Lord's annointed" came to an immediate halt. That was amazing to me. I kind of feel like I witnessed a miracle.

As a side note, Kelly knows Marina wants to go into Law Enforcement. He said she should look for jobs with the Washoe County Sherrif's Dept because they have a hard time securing people that are comfortable working in a correctional setting (being around inmates) and who can pass the background. Interesting how as soon as he heard we were LDS, he knew she would be able to pass the background and would be welcome to his dept.

Ahhh, the Lord works in wonderful ways!

Welcome to my Journey!

I am a lazy child. I do not say this with disgust or malice. Simply with the realization of the truth. I recently took inventory of myself and realize that I do not always practice what I preach. I mean, I am a good person and I try to be nice and so on and so forth. However, I have customized my religion to fit my lifestyle. I practice things when it is convenient for me. Not as the Lord has directs me. I want better than that. I want to be better than that. Somehow I have convinced myself (as a spoiled child often does) that my Parents love me better then my siblings and, by the sheer fact that I am me, they will give me privileges without effort on my part. What a silly thought! However, there it is.

This blog is where I plan to log my growth. Where I plan to blog about, and do the things I do not always do like read my scriptures, say my prayers, be kind and considerate to my fellow beings (and children), show honesty, attend the temple, do my visiting teaching, attend church with a glad heart, attend my meetings, so on and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I do these things now, just not as often or with such a glad heart as I know I should.

I would love it if you would join me on my journey in "Learning to be Mormon"! Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions, encouragement and disagreement, thoughts and feeling, your own growth stories.

You do not have to be a new member to participate and grow. Don't be embarrassed by admitting stuff on this blog. There is no censure. Just support and love. Here, let me start. I have been a member since 1985 and I have only read the Book of Mormon once. The reason I admit this is because starting today I plan to read the Book of Mormon daily until I can claim to have read it through a second time. My goal is to read at the very least, 3 chapters a week. Doesn't seem like much but it is a start!

I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who love me and I love Him.