Before the Natural Man takes over

I went to Eric's school today because he was getting two awards. One for Citizenship and the other for Outstanding Attendance. The school did the awards by grade which works out really well. So there were five 1st grade classes. It seemed like every child was getting an award for something or other. I was wrong, not every child got one.

I was sitting just behind the little 5 to 7 year old kids when I see these two boys leaning into another little boy in the middle of them. They were rubbing his back, patting his shoulder, saying thing to him and generally trying to make him happy. They sat there with their arms around him for most of the rest of the presentation. One even tried to tickle him to cheer him up.

I got tears in my eyes. How sweet their innocence is. How I wish the world could work through their eyes when the Natural Man has not completely taken over the Spiritual Man in us. Those little boys reminded me that I need to be more concerned with compassion towards those who are hurting. I need to have that innocence of putting my arm around someone when they needed it. Just to show my love for someone in the most basic and simplest way of the human and spritual heart. I need to shuck off the natural man and all the baggage that costume contains. Remove pride from my heart.

Ahhh, to be 6 and innocent again. What a nice world that would be.

Have you ever asked....?

Have you ever asked yourself "why am I so blessed"? If you haven't, then you should. More importantly, if you have, then you shouldn't. Sound odd?, not really.

If you have never asked yourself that, hopefully it is because you already know what I am going to tell you. However, if you don't already know what I am going to tell you, then perhaps you have never asked that question because you don't recognize the blessings in your life. If that is the case, please consider taking a minute to recognize your blessings.

If you have ever asked why you are so blessed, then you might want to re-examine your relationship with your Heavenly Parents. I know as a parent I want the best for my children. We do what we can to make things good for them. Provide food, shelter, support, basics of life. But of you look deeper, you will see the "extras" too. Things that are not required but things that are freely given because we like to see our kids happy. I cannot tell you what they are because it is different from the giver to the receiver. I might so something that I think is pretty cool, or wanted, or needed but the receiving child does not take it that way. And there is nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, our kids have mentioned things to us that we did or whatever, that was really special to them and meant a lot. It might not even be something we remember, but they do. That is the beauty of wanting so much for your kids.

Anyway, that is how our Heavenly Parents are. They always want good for us. They reign blessings down on us. Some of these blessings seem big but we might not see them. Some seem small and seemingly inconsequential, however, they are HUGE to us.

So, if you have ever asked "why am I so blessed (lucky, good karma, whatever)" the answer is because you have Heavenly Parents who love you. If my kids ever asked me why I did something for them, as if it was out of the norm, that would hurt my feelings. I would think they don't know how much I really love them.

So, don't ask, just enjoy and have a thankful heart!

"I want to go out clean"

I work in a prison, literally. I have been blessed several times to witness the man beneath the blue. In our prison system our inmates wear blue. As in most societies, many people on the "outside" see the blue and judge them. That is the way I used to be...sometimes still am. Only now I have a better idea of whether my call is correct or not.

The other day I had the experience. I am working with a particular inmate that will be known as "Mr. R". I always call the inmates "Mr. So and so". Mr. R has been coming to my office for several weeks for what amounts to a counseling session really. It is my job to help the inmates transition back into society. Mr. R originally came to my office to seek advice on how to deal with a family situation, something that happened to his daughter that he wants to get straight in his head and heart before he gets out so he does not do anything stupid and come back here. Mr. R is of a different nationality and sometimes has difficulty putting his thoughts in words or completely understanding what I am telling him. So, sometimes we spend a great deal of time finding a different way of saying the same things. Throughout our sessions I have discovered he has a daughter he loves tremedously, a grandaughter that is the light of his life, a wife that he has taken for granted and wants more than anything to have as a part of his life, he lost a grandmother he called Nana that was his conscience and guide whom he misses with his whole heart, and that he is called Tata by his granddaughter. I saw him as a man who has love and remorse in his life.

In our last session he was telling me that when gets out he does not want to go home and live with his family as they have asked him to do. He needs to live on his own to sort things out and get straight. As my job, I encouraged him to reconsider this decision as it would be difficult for him financially to go on his own. Plus, his family might get the wrong idea and think he is running from them. Finally he looks at me hard, in the eyes, I can tell he is making a hard decision about something. I let him look, let him visually probe my intent, let him see and decide if he can trust me with something that weighs heavy on him. He says "Ms. C, you don't understand" I say "help me to understand", he probes again for another full minute, I hold his stare. He sighs heavily and I see I have passed a huge test. He says to me "Have you ever heard of *blank* *blank* gang?" I tell him I might have. He tells me he has been an "associate" for most of his life. He explains he is an asset to this gang. Now this person is ill and has severe limitations. He points to himself and says "this don't matter what my body can and cannot do, it is up here (he points to his brain) that is important to them. The things I know, the things I have done, the things they want me to do because I have already done them". He gives me background on his actions and the how of it. He does not go into detail on the rest of the gang because he does not want me to know anything for my safety, and I don't want to know anything for the same reason. But he tells me a little bit about how he has manipulated things on the inside and the outside to do what needed to be done, what he was ordered to do, what he ordered people to do. This information, how easy and simple it is, frightens me and brings tears to my eyes. I tell him this. He sees this upsets me and he tells me "Ms C, I don't want to frighten you. I want you to understand what I was. That is who I was. I cannot go to my family because I need to protect them. In my world you live by the gun you die by the gun. I want to be clean when I leave. They already told me I need to see them before I leave prison, I am not going to. I know my consequence, I know what will happen. My Nana did not raise me to be that person. I want to be clean for her when I leave. My grandaughter "L" deserves to know her Tata was clean when he left. Ms. C, I am going to be clean when I leave". I understand what he means by "leave". My heart aches for him because I cannot help and he knows it. I tell him I wish there was something I could do. He said there is nothing but that I was listening makes the difference. I ask him if he is ready to face that consequence. He looks confused at me. I ask him "are you afraid? Are you afraid for when the consequence comes?", he says "Yes" with tears in his eyes, but he doesn't cry. He says he is afraid but he is okay because he will be clean.

Now I know why the Lord put me in this position. I am here to listen. I am here so they can divulge the intent of their hearts, to admit to me, therefore, themselves the desires of their hearts. They know I will listen, I will accept what they tell me, I will not mock them, and that I will hope for the best with them. I cannot tell you what a sweet blessing it is for me to be witness to this. Writing it down does not even come close. I know why the Savior tells us to visit those in prison. I think it is not always the prison with walls and correctional officers and such. I think it is the prison of a person's sins, past, deeds, etc. We need to visit them in those places and love and accept them so they can feel that they can "go out clean".

Matthew 7:1, My Favorite Scripture

Since I was a teenager my favorite (and very first memorized) scripture has been Matthew 7:1. I was a very judgemental person as a youngster. I have learned and tried really hard over the last 43 years to change that behavior. The Prophet addressed this very topic at the Women's session of conference. I tried to condense it down but he did such a beautiful job that it is posted almost in it's entirety. I know it is long but it is worth the reading and heeding. I love you. I know who reads this (I think) and I do love you. Enjoy.

Charity Never Faileth
President Thomas S. Monson
Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life.
Our souls have rejoiced tonight and reached toward heaven. We have been blessed with beautiful music and inspired messages. The Spirit of the Lord is here. I pray for His inspiration to be with me now as I share with you some of my thoughts and feelings.
I begin with a short anecdote which illustrates a point I should like to make.
A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash.
“That laundry’s not clean!” Lisa exclaimed. “Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!”
John looked on but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments.
A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, “Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.”
John replied, “Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!”
Tonight I’d like to share with you a few thoughts concerning how we view each other. Are we looking through a window which needs cleaning? Are we making judgments when we don’t have all the facts? What do we see when we look at others? What judgments do we make about them?
Said the Savior, “Judge not.” He continued, “Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Or, to paraphrase, why beholdest thou what you think is dirty laundry at your neighbor’s house but considerest not the soiled window in your own house?
None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions.
There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.”
Forty-seven years ago this general conference, I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. At the time, I had been serving on one of the general priesthood committees of the Church, and so before my name was presented, I sat with my fellow members of that priesthood committee, as was expected of me. My wife, however, had no idea where to go and no one with whom she could sit and, in fact, was unable to find a seat anywhere in the Tabernacle. A dear friend of ours, who was a member of one of the general auxiliary boards and who was sitting in the area designated for the board members, asked Sister Monson to sit with her. This woman knew nothing of my call—which would be announced shortly—but she spotted Sister Monson, recognized her consternation, and graciously offered her a seat. My dear wife was relieved and grateful for this kind gesture. Sitting down, however, she heard loud whispering behind her as one of the board members expressed her annoyance to those around her that one of her fellow board members would have the audacity to invite an “outsider” to sit in this area reserved only for them. There was no excuse for her unkind behavior, regardless of who might have been invited to sit there. However, I can only imagine how that woman felt when she learned that the “intruder” was the wife of the newest Apostle.
Not only are we inclined to judge the actions and words of others, but many of us judge appearances: clothing, hairstyles, size. The list could go on and on.
A classic account of judging by appearance was printed in a national magazine many years ago. It is a true account—one which you may have heard but which bears repeating.
A woman by the name of Mary Bartels had a home directly across the street from the entrance to a hospital clinic. Her family lived on the main floor and rented the upstairs rooms to outpatients at the clinic.
One evening a truly awful-looking old man came to the door asking if there was room for him to stay the night. He was stooped and shriveled, and his face was lopsided from swelling—red and raw. He said he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. “I guess it’s my face,” he said. “I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says it could possibly improve after more treatments.” He indicated he’d be happy to sleep in the rocking chair on the porch. As she talked with him, Mary realized this little old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. Although her rooms were filled, she told him to wait in the chair and she’d find him a place to sleep.
At bedtime Mary’s husband set up a camp cot for the man. When she checked in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and he was out on the porch. He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, he asked if he could return the next time he had a treatment. “I won’t put you out a bit,” he promised. “I can sleep fine in a chair.” Mary assured him he was welcome to come again.
In the several years he went for treatments and stayed in Mary’s home, the old man, who was a fisherman by trade, always had gifts of seafood or vegetables from his garden. Other times he sent packages in the mail.
When Mary received these thoughtful gifts, she often thought of a comment her next-door neighbor made after the disfigured, stooped old man had left Mary’s home that first morning. “Did you keep that awful-looking man last night? I turned him away. You can lose customers by putting up such people.”
Mary knew that maybe they had lost customers once or twice, but she thought, “Oh, if only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.”
After the man passed away, Mary was visiting with a friend who had a greenhouse. As she looked at her friend’s flowers, she noticed a beautiful golden chrysanthemum but was puzzled that it was growing in a dented, old, rusty bucket. Her friend explained, “I ran short of pots, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn’t mind starting in this old pail. It’s just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden.”
Mary smiled as she imagined just such a scene in heaven. “Here’s an especially beautiful one,” God might have said when He came to the soul of the little old man. “He won’t mind starting in this small, misshapen body.” But that was long ago, and in God’s garden how tall this lovely soul must stand!
Appearances can be so deceiving, such a poor measure of a person. Admonished the Savior, “Judge not according to the appearance.”
A member of a women’s organization once complained when a certain woman was selected to represent the organization. She had never met the woman, but she had seen a photograph of her and didn’t like what she saw, considering her to be overweight. She commented, “Of the thousands of women in this organization, surely a better representative could have been chosen.”
True, the woman who was chosen was not “model slim.” But those who knew her and knew her qualities saw in her far more than was reflected in the photograph. The photograph did show that she had a friendly smile and a look of confidence. What the photograph didn’t show was that she was a loyal and compassionate friend, a woman of intelligence who loved the Lord and who loved and served His children. It didn’t show that she volunteered in the community and was a considerate and concerned neighbor. In short, the photograph did not reflect who she really was.
I ask: if attitudes, deeds, and spiritual inclinations were reflected in physical features, would the countenance of the woman who complained be as lovely as that of the woman she criticized?
My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.
The Apostle James taught, “If any . . . among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s [or woman’s] religion is vain.”
I have always loved your Relief Society motto: “Charity never faileth.” What is charity? The prophet Mormon teaches us that “charity is the pure love of Christ.” In his farewell message to the Lamanites, Moroni declared, “Except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.”
I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.
Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, “To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.”
Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.
In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.
Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,”1 the “pure love of Christ . . . ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with [her].”
“Charity never faileth.” May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions.
I express my love to you, my sisters, and pray that heaven’s blessings may ever be yours. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Did I just grow horns or something?

Yesterday Marina and I went on a tour of Herlong Federal prison. We loaded on a small bus with 11 other people for the hour drive to the facility.

On the way back, someone had a magazine that had an article on a new TLC reality show called "Sister Wives" which is about a polygimous family. Okay, so anytime I hear anyone mention anything about polygamy, I know "Mormon" is going to be in there somewhere. Oh brother, here we go. So a discussion ensued regarding this article. Marina and I were in the very back seats, in front of us were two men, infront of them were two women. To the left of us was a closet for tools, then infront of that was one man we will call Kelly (because that's his name) and then in front of him was a young man in his early 20's and a girl about the same age. She was sitting on the aisle, as was I. We will call him Laman, and her Lemuela because I do not know their real names. :)

Laman turns around and is talking kind of loudly as he states he just read a book called...I couldn't hear the title because I was right under the air conditioning, however, I did hear the rest of his comments. He turned to Kelly and the others, us too I suppose, and said "I read about Joseph Smith in that book and he was one big scheister". Okay, here we go. Then he goes on (with dirision in his voice) about how those mormons werent wanted by anyone and they were kicked out of all those states (by this point he is smirking). Kelly, apparently can see there is a little bit of ignorance going on and said to him "Yes, they did move from county to county and state to state because there was an extermination order on them". Laman thinks this is funny and starts laughing. Lemuela chuckles too. The guys in front of me don't say anything I can hear but they are not exactly sympathetic. I am getting angry and his callous behavior and attitude but know I must be professional. But how do I take care of this? Kelly continues with his teaching lesson and says "Yeah there was a Governor that put it on them. Governor?...Governor?...Hmmm" I speak up and say "Governor Boggs" The guy in front of me says "Yeah, that's his name", I say "Yeah, I know because I am LDS". It is amazing how quiet a bus of 13 people can be all of a sudden. Laman turned around and faced the front. Lemuela kept looking back at me. Kelly turned around and said he was sorry. I know he was not saying sorry for anything he did, he was apologizing for Laman's (and anyone else who was disrespectful) behavior. He said he worked in Utah for 10 years and he had run ins with the fundamentalist and they are weird scary groups. I had to agree. So we chatted a little then he started talking to other people about random things. However, I noticed that Lemuala kept turning around and staring at us. I asked Marina "did I just grow horns or something?" She said, we always do when we announce who we are. I had to laugh because I know what she means. When I first started working with inmates, and I would meet someone who has a murder conviction, I expected that somehow he would look like a murderer, have some kind of mark or something. It was disturbing to me that he looked "normal" and just like me (figuratively speaking). I think it was disturbing to Lemuala that she actually came face to face with a Mormon and I was not a monster, had horns, wore long dresses and certain hair styles, that I am an intelligent and professional woman, that I am "normal". Did I mention that I work with her company extensively and have for the last 2.25 years? Anyway, I felt good about how all that came down. I was really at peace that all I had to say was "I am LDS" and the "taking the name of the Lord's annointed" came to an immediate halt. That was amazing to me. I kind of feel like I witnessed a miracle.

As a side note, Kelly knows Marina wants to go into Law Enforcement. He said she should look for jobs with the Washoe County Sherrif's Dept because they have a hard time securing people that are comfortable working in a correctional setting (being around inmates) and who can pass the background. Interesting how as soon as he heard we were LDS, he knew she would be able to pass the background and would be welcome to his dept.

Ahhh, the Lord works in wonderful ways!